'It is finished' by Karen Hutton [Retrieve Lament 2021]
I’ve had the privilege of knowing today’s guest from our very first visit to Fairfield County, CT in 2016. During Brian’s formal interview, we broke for lunch, and Karen and I bonded over delicious white clam pizza and conversation about our sons’ recent weddings. I was drawn to something in Karen I didn’t yet know how to name, but now after five years of companionship can describe it as an openness to connect to God and others with no agenda other than authentic connection. I hope to be more like Karen in this way. I’m honored that Karen would entrust her story of deepest sorrow to us and pray that, in her courage to name grief, we might be en-couraged to name our own.
Would you read Karen’s lament story with me, and ask God for an open heart to hear any words Christ might be speaking to you?
“When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, “It is finished,” and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.”
It is finished
by Karen Hutton
This has been a season of sorrow and grief. In December my brother-in-law died of a sudden heart attack. On Christmas Eve a friend my age died of heart failure and in February another friend died of cancer leaving two teenage sons. And now my older sister in Germany is failing.
My heart overflows with sadness. I am still grieving each of these dear ones. But more than this, God brings to mind my deepest sorrow. My dad died when I was a 4-year-old little girl he called Sparkle Plenty. I would stand at the door waiting for him to come home from work and he never did. My mom told us it was too hard for her to hear me and my little sister talk about him. So we never did. There was no counselor for mom or any of us children.
I grew up working hard to make sure that my mom didn’t die too. I tried to be perfect so that she would be happy. I never felt I could go to her with any problem I had growing up. All through school I felt shame that I didn’t come from a normal family. Because I didn’t have a dad, I was different. I buried myself in books. I never talked about myself because I didn’t know myself. All I wanted was to fit in, to be accepted. So I learned not to be a ‘bother’, not to cause any trouble, or have any problems.
Now I am learning that so much of my childhood is not how it should have been. Not what God wanted for me. I lament that I didn’t have the foundation of security and love to run to a parent with my problems and questions and doubts and fears. Instead, I stuffed them deep inside. Nor did I figure out who I was and what I really wanted in life. Instead, I had a broken heart that I hid so that I could fit in.
It turns out that my heart is still that fragile. Too much of the time I still care deeply about what people think of me. If I don’t get affirmation I feel bad and if I do get affirmation I feel giddy.
I confess this because I desperately want to please only the God I love. O Lord, heal me so that what matters to me is what You think of me. I long for healing of all the wounded places in my soul.
Jesus spoke the words "It is finished" just before he died on the cross. One of the meanings of these words was that his earthly life was over. Death, a cruel enemy, is the end of all our earthly lives. I am lamenting my loss that will never be undone. I am grieving and angry that I never had a dad. I mourn for all who are mourning, and for every life cut short.
Karen Hutton is a wife, mom and grandma. She enjoys journaling, walking, reading, traveling and trying new recipes. Her greatest joy is connecting with people in good conversation. For fun she does sudoku and attempts crossword puzzles.
Read and Pray
The Sixth Word: It is finished. (Consummatum est.)
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.” …And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day. Thus the heavens and the earth were finished…. [Genesis 1:26-28, 31—2:1a].
Sunset to sunrise changes now,
For God doth make his world anew;
On the Redeemer’s thorn-crowned brow,
The wonders of that dawn we view.
Here in o’erwhelming final strife
The Lord of life hath victory,
And sin is slain, and death brings life,
And earth inherits heaven’s key.
--Clement of Alexandria
When Jesus had received the vinegar, he said, “It is finished”; and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. [John19:30]
How can we ever find words to express our gratitude to you, dear Lord? You did what we could not do. You defeated our enemy death by giving yourself to it. You obeyed the father with every single breath until your last breath. Help us live and die with that same devotion and love. We sit today in acknowledging that while death has been ultimately destroyed we still feel its sting. With Karen, we lament the deaths of so many loved ones this year and throughout our lives. We place our deepest grief - the separation from those we love most because of death - into the wounds of the dying Christ. Thank you Jesus for bearing the grief that feels unbearable right now. We lament with tears and thank you that you showed us the tears you wept, too, when your friend died. We ask you to come again soon to wipe away every tear from our eyes and finish death forever.
We adore you, O Christ, and we praise you because by your holy cross you have redeemed the world. Amen.